Welcome to my new and improved website. Have fun, take a look around, and enjoy some of the new features including, scrolling galleries and embedded videos.
I'll be on here as often as I can to update you on my comings and goings. Enjoy the site.
Saturday Aug 9, 2008
So, big things happening since last I wrote. Sorry for the long delay (in case anyone is reading this thing), got a new position at work and until december my time is going to be regulated to the minute most days. Speaking of which, good news. I definitely have that Air Force Reserves position here in lovely Del Rio, so my dreams of teaching young aviators and retiring from the Air Force looks like they'll definitely come true. So look for lots of shows starting this winter and a pretty hectic road schedule. I am super pumped about it all!
Also, just got the new print of the shirt with the turtles, uh, swimming together. I'll have them available for sale on the merch page in a few days if you want em.
Life is good, I'm headlining at the Velveeta Room in Austin's super awesome 6th street bar district, and last night was awesome. Tonight promises to be some excellent shows also. Come on out if you can make it.
Besides that, my Mom has a gambling problem (but I won't tell her nothing, I saw that little woman kill a rooster with her bare hands), my little Sis is cranking up another year of college (recently saw the Sex and the City movie with her and she geeked out about prada like I did when the front of the batmobile turned into that wicked motorcycle in the Dark Knight), and one of my two best friends tied the knot (his Dad made me perform a set at the reception despite my obvious drunkeness, I was funnier drunk as I always suspected, I'll get you for that big Joe). All in all, life is pretty grand. I'll hit this thing up when the weekend's over.
Peace,
-Jose
Thursday May 15, 2008
Big thank you to all those that came out two weeks ago to the river center comedy club. The shows were hot and it looked like most everyone had a good time. Working with Brad Upton was also pretty sweet. Last weekend, Uncle Sam had me working an airshow at our base out here in Del Rio, TX. I was supposed to sell Hot Dogs and Burgers, but as soon as I got there, they were like, "you're name is JOSE! You can make the Fajita's authentic!! Hey everybody, we got a ringer!" Look, I eat my fajitas at Chili's K, it's not a cultural staple food for me. Hell to Cubans, a fajita is a small slip under a woman's dress. Don't know anyone that eats that, but I have seen stranger stuff on the internet.
Heading out this weekend to New Hampshire for one of my two best friend's weddings. He's the first of the brotherhood to fall, so I expect I'll probably tear up during the toast I wrote. Standard Ops there.
I get asked alot, because I'm a pilot, if I have a cool call sign. Those that have seen Top Gun may remember such cool call signs as 'Maverick,' 'Hollywood,' or 'Ice Man.' I didn't get one of these, shit I'm not even 'Goose.' My first call sign was 'Sleepy.' I wanted something tough, instead I get named after a DWARF, with NARCOLEPSY!?! Not even a cool dwarf like Doppy, that guy got ass. You know you can't get no street cred if your nick name is Sleepy. And my friends tell me, "cheer up, at least you're not Bashful." Oh good, I'm not the flamer dwarf, my life's looking up.
I got the callsign because I can fall asleep like it's my job. I don't even have to be tired. This made the other crew members jealous, I think. We had a crew bunk on my plane and they would go there for 4 hours and get maybe 30 minutes of good sleep. Hell, I used to do military parades where you stood in place holding a rifle for 30 minutes, and I SLEPT like that. Good sleep too, like the kind where you wake up with a boner.
Got that skill from Grandpa, I would say. Grandpa'll be at a party and if no one's talked to him for a few minutes, he shuts down like C3PO in Star Wars. It's quite amazing to see actually. Especially because my Grandpa probably has scar tissue by his ribs where my Grandma's elbow always hits him to wake him up. And he doesn't miss a beat either. He wake's up talking like, "Si, Claro." Which means, "Yes, of course." That guy's been married a long time and knows what he's doing. He wakes up from dead sleep agreeing with Grandma.
Anyway, I'll tell you how the wedding goes. The next big show will be at the Velveeta Room in Austin, TX Jun 13-14. I love 6th Street and Austin in general, so it should be a sweet time. Come out if you're in the area.
Live the Dream,
-Jose
Wednesday April 23, 2008
Lotsa stuff going on recently. I just won the Funniest Person in South Texas title for 2008 out at the river center comedy club. It was a great show with some really good performances, so I'm really happy I won. Here's a picture. Also, the shows with Jeff Garcia in Corpus Christi went well. He said he could hook me up if I stayed the whole week when I make my trip to L.A. in July. Hope that works out.
Headlined this past weekend in San Antonio and it went great. It seemed people enjoyed the show, but it's a good thing I had some material in reserve. The show was BYOB and by the end, all that booze and Fiesta (big boozing festival in S.A.) created some hecklers. One lady kept exposing sex secrets (she's a screamer), to the dismay of her husband. Oh well, at least my room was not next to theirs.
I tried this one on Saturday, tell me what you think:
"One of my goals in life has always been to be a good person. Someone who people go, 'that's a good dude right there.' So who's a good example? Santa.
I mean Santa may not be real, but nobody says, 'Santa, what a douche bag!' Their not attacking him in the mall like, 'give the elves a union you selfish prick!'
But we know how to spot a good person mostly because we know the traits of a bad person. Like Papa Smurf, that guy's evil. 'What's with the red tights Papa Smurf, we're all wearing white you commie, and where are the rest of the BITCHES!! I get to bang Smurfette once every leap year, and then it's like stickin it in a cave."
Well, starting to promote the San Antonio shows next week. I just did a photo shoot for a magazine article on me. I'll put that up when I get a copy. Come check me out at the river center comedy club Apr 30-May 4. It should be fun.
Laugh it up fuckers,
-Jose
Monday March 31, 2008
Well my week at the Punchline went awesome. I got to do radio in Spanish and English. Turns out, I need to Q/C my jokes when I do them in Spanish cuz Cubans and Mexicans have different terms for shit (not good when it's the punchline to a joke). Working with Al Madrigal was awesome, though, and the club said they'd have me back, woohoo! I've started a mailing list too (still working to get it live on here), so people can keep abreast of what I'm doing. All in all, a great weekend.
One of the waitresses introduced me to her boyfriend while I was there and he pulls me in and says, "I got a joke for you..."
That has never been followed by a good joke yet, by the way. This was the whopper he laid on me: "Why are the pussy lips better than the mouth lips? Cuz the pussy lips can't talk..."
Brilliant!!!! Bleh. I tried to cut off an uncomfortable situation by adding this:
"Well you're gonna freak out when you do hear one talk. I pulled out once and heard bbbrrrrr-heeey" Was that vagina complaining? Don't know if I'm ready for a bitching coochie; bbbrrrr-why don't you ever buy me flowers? bbbrrrrr-how come you don't like my friends? bbbrrr-you never take me dancing anymore..."
I don't know, maybe I'll try it on stage and see if it sticks in the act. Let me know what you think.
Tonight I have the Funniest In South Texas finals in San Antonio. It should be a good show, if you're around come check it out at the river center comedy club. Here's the flyer.
Well I'll be in Corpus this weekend featuring with Jeff Garcia who does the voice for the slow kid on JImmy Neutron. I'll let you know how it goes.
Peace,
-J
Thursday March 20, 2008
Out in Hotlanta this weekend at the Punchline with Al Madrigal. I'm pumped as this is one of the premier clubs in the country and Al is a great performer. The last time I performed with him was a guest set in Houston like a year ago. If you're around Atlanta, you should come check it out. It'll be a good show. Check the flyer.
It dawned on me recently that I wish I could remember my dreams. It would help explain some of the things I say half asleep. The other day I woke up and muttered, "Fuck Mimes..."
What the hell was I dreaming about. Was I fucking a mime? Cuz that's tough in the dark, you can't tell if they're having a good time. Or was I angry at mimes? Like at a city council meeting, "damnit mayor, these mimes keep taking our jobs!"
This is not the first time I've uttered something off the wall as I came out of slumberland. In college my suitemate heard me roll over, as he was making coffee, and heard me drop this one, "Hey dude, you still got that purple studded vest, I need it, I'm going to Vegas tomorrow..."
Crazy huh? I mean who wears a purple studded vest GOING to Vegas? I should've just asked for a big white tiger while I was at it.
As I was typing this, one of the owners called me and told me Al is doing a spanish radio station tomorrow morning. Woohoo, Al doesn't speak spanish, so I'll be on the radio!! Thanks for keeping me bilingual Mom!
I'll let you know how it goes.
-Pepe
Sunday March 9, 2008
Good weekend out in Phoenix, had some good sets and apparently got hired to roast somebody's grandma for her 70th birthday in January. Didn't see that coming. I have roasted people in the past, so I have a couple of ideas, but it will definitely be a challenge. Hope she makes it to January too, you can do it Granny!!
Got to hang out with my old college roomie last night after the show. Had a blast, and he's still as tall and lanky as ever! Good to see ya Cogs.
During one of the shows I asked a lady if she'd kissed her man the first night they went out and she answered, "He's pretty normal..."
What!?!? That answer had nothing to do with the question! It's gotta be hard to talk to that lady. It's like asking, "What's your name?" and getting, "I like toothpaste!"
I'll probably keep that in the act. Wow.
Thanks to everybody that came out to the shows, I appreciate your support more than I can say. A special thanks to Ilin for driving me around all weekend and taking care of me, and to Sean at The Comedy Spot for having me on. I hope to be back soon.
Talk at ya later,
-Jose
Friday March 7, 2008
Tumultuous times the last few weeks; lots of ups and downs. Flew out to Phoenix for the Last Comic Standing try-outs last week. Lesson learned: If you want to be on TV, you gotta know somebody. I slept outside, like a ghetto camping trip, with the rest of the cattle call. Turns out, nobody without an invite had any legitimate chance of going before the celeb judges. Oh well, next year I will work hard to get an invite.
Went back to Philly last weekend, it was good to be on the Laff House stage again. Went to McGillan's Ale House for a couple of drinks too, love that place. Philly still smells like sewage every half a block, but I hope to be back in the city of brotherly love soon.
This week I made the finals for the Funniest in South Texas comedy competition. If you're in San Antonio come on out March 31 to the Rivercenter Comedy Club and check it out. It'll be a good show.
Here's a snippet of what I'm writing right now:
Asked some women if a man asked them to dance politely (ie "Excuse me Ms., would you like to dance?" as opposed to sneakin up on you from behind like a scene from a prison shower) and they all said the same thing, "What's he look like?" Ain't that a bitch?
Ladies may say looks aren't important, but they are. Women will date a guy who treats them like shit just cuz he's good lookin.
"Jenna, he's a dick you need to leave that asshole!"
"I am, i'm just gonna fuck him like 3 more times to get it out of my system. I mean, shit girl, you've seen his abs. He's so good lookin, I probably would have let him hit me! But only if it turned into sex after"
Just some thoughts I had. Let me know if you like: admin@josesarduy.com
Anywho, on a plane to Phoenix right now for a show in Scottsdale. Performing with Kenny Kane and I hear he's phenomenal. I'll let you know how it goes.
Much Love,
-Jose